When Thom gets bored
by maramara
Summary: Thom is so bored, so for entertainment he locks Alanna, her friends, and Roger in a dungeon for 48 hours and decides to see if they end up killing each rnother or going insane or what! Special guest Harry Potter...
1. Thom's plan

This is an odd, random story where everyone gets trapped in a dungeon. Thom's going insane from boredom and his remedies are very creative.this gets of to a slow start, but picks up, as I'm sort of eager to get them in the dungeon in the first place.let's get cracking!  
  
"I'm bored."  
"So am I."  
"What do you want to do?"  
"I don't know, what do you want to do?"  
  
As you could see, Thom was having an animated conversation with himself. He scowled and threw his book against the wall. He was so bored, and he couldn't concentrate. He was quite miserable, and it was a sunny day. Sunny day's irritated him, because, as everyone knows, you think best on an overcast day.  
  
He looked out the window, squinting in the light. He could see his sister having the time of her life, talking to her friends. Friends! Who needed them? His sister wouldn't like them half as much if she actually spent some time with them, instead of running off to fight in every war she found. If she actually spent some time with them.that gave Thom an idea...which ended up with Alanna gagged and thrown into a not in use dungeon.  
  
You see, this was Thom's brilliant idea. He needed to show his sister how wonderful her friends really were. So, he decided to trap them in a dungeon for forty-eight hours and see how they'd cope, as in if they'd kill each other or drive each other insane or what. Simple yes, stupid even, but it would serve as a remedy for his boredom for a while. Now all he needed were some victims for Alanna's rescue mission:  
Alanna (duh, she was the victim)  
Jon  
George  
Liam  
Faithful  
Gary  
Raoul  
Thayet  
Buri  
Alex  
Delia  
And.Roger!  
  
And, now we're going to skip over all the fine details like: how Thom got the ransom notes out without revealing his plot or who had kidnapped her, or why Jon didn't send all the armies in the world after her, or how Thom was even able to kidnap his ever alert sister in the first place, or why Alex, Delia, and Roger were involved in the rescue mission and get straight to the plot or even why Alex, Roger, Liam, Faithful, and Thom are even in this story, as they died in book four.  
  
Under the palace near the dungeons with a king, a queen, a thief, a cat, a  
Dragon, a warrior girl, three knights, and three ticked off bad guys:  
  
"I'm coming to rescue you Alanna!" yelled George.  
"I'm coming Alanna, don't worry!" yelled Jon. "Ha, I yelled louder," he said to George.  
The used to be thief pouted for a second, but was cheered up when Thayet grabbed Jon's ear and hissed, "I'm your wife, you moron!"  
"Sorry Thayet."  
"I'M COMING ALANNA!" yelled Liam. "I yelled louder than both of y'all. Alanna defiantly knows I'm coming."  
George and Jon both pouted for a second, but then Jon remembered the pain in his ear.  
The crew continued walking.  
  
"Why are we here?" complained Delia. "It's not like we care if Alanna was kidnapped," she said, earning glares from 'the good guys.'  
"Uh.well, I don't know," answered Roger.  
"Has anybody considered that this is a plot to get all of us and Alanna trapped in a dungeon to see if we kill or drive each other insane, or come out of the dungeon perfectly intact forty-eight hours later, all to the enjoyment of an insane, bored sorcerer?" asked Alex.  
Everyone stared.  
"Well, I guess it could be." murmured Gary thoughtfully.  
"What are you talking about?" asked Raoul. "There's probably an army waiting down in the dungeon for us that kidnapped Alanna, and we'll get to fight something! I haven't killed anything since this morning!"  
"What was the last thing you killed," Buri said, almost afraid to ask.  
"I killed a muskrat just this morning!" Raoul said proudly.  
"NOOOOOOO! Muskrats are my favorite animals!"  
Again, everyone stared.  
"What kind of bad guy has a favorite animal?" asked Gary in utter disgust.  
Roger looked around nervously, hoping everyone wouldn't realize that he wasn't that good of a bad guy.  
"What kind of bad guy loses in fencing to a girl half his size?" asked George.  
Roger really prayed that no one would say anything else.  
"And what kind of bad guy kills innocent people and thinks of plots to try to steal the throne?" demanded Raoul.  
"Uh, that's what the bad guy does," Buri informed him gently.  
Roger sighed in relief. His cover wasn't blown! "Of course that's what a bad guy does! That's what I do! Because I'm the bad guy!"  
And everyone walked.  
  
"Hey, has anyone realized that me, Roger, Alex, and Faithful are supposed to be dead?" asked Liam.  
"You can only call me by my first name when I say so," said Roger sourly.  
"Yeah, y'all are," said Thayet. "Then why are you here?"  
"I don't know," replied Liam.  
"Hey, has anyone realized that are supposed to be dead sorcerer Thom could have brought y'all back?" asked Jon.  
"Well, who could have brought him back?" asked Gary, logical as always.  
"I don't know," replied Jon.  
  
And with that new turn of questions, our rescuers are slowly making their way towards Alanna, and towards being trapped.  
  
Okay, that was slightly lame, but it'll get better, I promise. Well I've got to go, because I'm using a library computer, and they're about to kick me off. My computer is broken. You know what, I had this all typed up in a better draft but then the library closed and I didn't have time to post it. And the library doesn't save documents on Word, so I had to do this all over again. Oh well, be happy I love my reviewers so much. Well, adios! Apllo21 


	2. Red haired gals

Er…I'm back. After a bit of a vacation. But we won't talk about that here. So here we go again…

"Oh my gosh! What was that sound?"

"What sound, Buri?"

"It sounded kind of like a snake…" said Gary thoughtfully.

"Not a snake," said a boy with glasses, a scar, and a pitiful English accent; "a basilisk."

"A basilisk?" gasped everyone together.

"I'll kill it!"

"No, here it comes!" said the strange boy. "We can't kill it, we'll just have to stand in a pipe, throw rocks at it, and hope it gets scared and slithers off!"

So, they all hid in a corner, and slowly but surely, the snake slithered towards them. Harry picked up a rock, breathing deeply. He prepared to throw it. But then…

"This is a job for Raoul, the greatest of all Tortallian warriors!"

"NO, I will destroy the basilisk!" cried Gary, because I'm the strongest."

"But I'm the King!"

"I'm a top class thief!"

"I'm a sorcerer, I could take it!"

"I'm the most beautiful girl alive!"

"I'm a cat!"

"I'm not going to take part in this argument."

"Neither am I, Buri."

"For a bad guy you do have some common sense, Alex. Did you live in Tortall all your life?"

"Yeah. But I hear you're not from around here?"

"No. I came here accompanying Queen Thayet…

and that's the story."

"Pretty interesting. So-

"Hey, how'd you kill the basilisk?" yelled the boy. "Do you have magical powers too?"

"All I did was smile at it. Maybe it just can't handle someone this beautiful."

The Tortallians bit their lips to keep from saying something. Except for one.

"Hey, Al- I mean, Thayet is the most beautiful woman in this land!"

"What did you just say?" Delia shrieked. "You're just jealous Jon!"

"Why, because I'm not as pretty as you? Oh wait, you're U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you're ugly, yeah, yeah, you're ugly, yeah!" Jon did a toe touch to complete the affect.

"Uh…quit hitting on my wife!"

"I'm not"

"Yes you are. Verbally I mean."

"Well yeah, you're right there."

"Right where?" asked Raoul.

"He's right…you know what I mean!"

"Look what are you people doing down here? I'm rescuing a girl. A girl with the most beautiful red hair I've ever seen…" the boy sighed dreamily.

"What, you're after Alanna too? I'll kill you!" George lunged at the boy, whose dark hair slightly covered his green eyes, wide open in horror. Liam pulled George off the boy.

"George, George, calm down. I'll take care of this punk!" Alanna's random admirers dog-pilled on top of the boy (the one who lived).

"No," wheezed the boy. "I speak not of this maid Alanna, but of the beautiful Virginia. Of her deep, brown eyes, of her love for me. Soon she shall speak of how I came to rescue her, thus she will fling herself into my arms, and I will comfort her through the horrors of her abduction. She will then proclaim herself to be forever mine."

"How did he manage to say that with, uh…eighty five guys on top of him?"

"How does she have eighty-five admirers?"

"Actually, I think some of the men are from New England. They've become obsessed with tackling each other in honor of the New England Patriots, Dagda damn them for destroying the Eagles." Gary offered a toast to the glorious team of Philadelphia, may their pathetic name forever live on in the hearts of…about the three people who love them.

"Then off with you young man," said Roger. "Off in the name of love, to rescue your fair maiden-

"How can I go off with eight hundred and fifty six men a top of me?"

"I'm certain she doesn't have that many lovers," said Delia with a scoff.

"Admirers, not lovers. She has but one love!" George said defensively.

"I told you, it's those damn Patriots."

your hearts desire, you're lovely red-haired vixen-

"My gosh Roger, have you been with her too?"

"I don't think so, just Delia. And Liam. And Faithful."

Everyone stared at Roger. And his various loves.

'Look, that is not true' meowed Faithful. But no one believed him. It was just sick thinking about it.

The gaze shifted to Liam. "Look, I was lonely after Alanna left, you know how that is." He received blank stares. "Okay, Alex knows how that is…where is Alex?"

"And that's how I defeated the giant snow gnome!'

"Alex, you're a hero!" exclaimed Buri.

"I was just doing my job."

"But you saved his life!"

"Yeah, I know, I mean-why the hell is everyone staring at me?"

"We need to get going, Alex. Quit wasting our time," said Jon.

So the group marched on.

"Hey Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you a bi? Or just gay?"

"WTF?"

Yeah, there was a cameo by HP himself! Maybe we'll find out what happened to him sometime in the distant, distant future.

Anyway, if you don't like my story you tell me why, just don't tell me 'I hat your story, it's stupid.' It's MEANT to be stupid. If it were a serious fic, it would be drama, not humor.

Apllo21


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